You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
NoShamevember. You game?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my liver is dry heaving
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
