you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
