i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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