i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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