She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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