guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize