A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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