she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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