My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
