I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
