I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
