This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
