You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
