You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
jump out the window naked night went bad
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
