...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
