Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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