If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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