Just cropdusted the office
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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