yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
