Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
