she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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