i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
