you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
