New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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