is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
