like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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