It's like God shit irony all over that family
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
