Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He did a backflip because drugs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
