Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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