My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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