one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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