I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
