oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
