Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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