I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
