Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
