i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pants are for mortals
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
