dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Enjoy the penises
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
