there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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