fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
