My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I met the friendliest cop last night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
