He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
