I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
