chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize