He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
