so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
