Cold hands, warm shart.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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