I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize