they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
