its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
