look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
