sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
