Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
