I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As shirtless as possible
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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