He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize