He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
