i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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