Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
