i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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