I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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