I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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