I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
