Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
