She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize