And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
