she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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