If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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