i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
