I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
