I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
