Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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