Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am midnight drunk by noon
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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