Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
