so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There are leaves in my underwear?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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