wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
