I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
