have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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