u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
