One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am midnight drunk by noon
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
