just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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