I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
