Your tits are I can't wait for
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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