Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no, he came in my armpit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
