she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
