You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
